Monthly Archives: July 2011

“Oh no, that’s not Syphilis! That’s just my Twitter acting up again!”

I acknowledge my Twitter account about as often as I intentionally throw myself down a flight of stairs. It’s like having a hicky above your eyebrow or a non-athletic son.  I’m just embarrassed to have it and I question its … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

The “alone on my birthday” blog: 22 Underrated “Accomplishments” achieved while 22

Tomorrow is my birthday, and it has been looming over me for the last three weeks, like an oncoming herpes break out. I am depressed, bloated, and seriously constipated with thoughts of suicide. Not really. I just wanted to use … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons, Tennessee | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Talkin’ Dragonfly Sex and the Old Testament Blues

I can’t write. No seriously. Everything that I type has the overwhelming stench of failure permeating around it. I’m not used to this. Normally I write things of biblical showmanship and long term importance. Not today. Today is like the … Continue reading

Posted in Literary Works of Unparallelled Greatness, Random Ramblings About Writing | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Losing a baby panda in weight: The Lifetime Original Movie

So, about a year ago I started “dieting.” I put this in quotes because admitting to dieting is like admitting to pleasuring yourself to a Zac Efron movie. Not really. But it is embarrassing for some reason. Anyone who has … Continue reading

Posted in Fat Fatties talking about Fat | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Reason #49 why I will always be alone: No man in his 20’s can satisfy my facial hair needs.

So apparently, Panera Bread attracts a large population of well-bearded men. All but one of the five men in my line of sight have beautiful, manly, tuggable beards that I want to play with until the wee hours of dawn. … Continue reading

Posted in All about men, Distorted views on love | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Gingerbread Scabs and My Fiery Displeasure with the Tennessee Heat

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. Pennsylvania is basically the deep south of the north. For this reason, one would assume my recent relocation to Tennessee would be as easy a transition as switching from regular to lite … Continue reading

Posted in Literary Works of Unparallelled Greatness, Tennessee | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Six Characteristics of My Future Ex-Husband

At 22 years old with one ex husband and several appalling attempts at romance under my love handles, I have decided my pursuits for happiness need to be better focused. For that reason I have concocted a list of the … Continue reading

Posted in All about men, Bob Dylan Related Ramblings, Distorted views on love | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Glass ceilings for the dowdy Pennsylvania girl and her mostly ignored blog

There have been several times these past few weeks when I’ve seen or heard something that could have incited an incredibly profound blog entry about something as important as people who drink the milk left over in a cereal bowl … Continue reading

Posted in Random Ramblings About Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments