Reason #49 why I will always be alone: No man in his 20’s can satisfy my facial hair needs.

So apparently, Panera Bread attracts a large population of well-bearded men. All but one of the five men in my line of sight have beautiful, manly, tuggable beards that I want to play with until the wee hours of dawn.

Sitting on a laptop, hoping no one has noticed that I am drinking a coffee from somewhere else and never actually made a PB purchase, I can’t help but wonder why I am always being confronted by these sightings of manly beards that will never be mine to enjoy. I also have to wonder why all of these men are always at a minimum of ten years older than me, and when I will see a man in my dating age bracket that will satisfy my facial hair needs.

Probably never.

This is the #49 reason I will always be alone.

I’m pretty sure #48 has something to do with the fact that I am a 22 year old woman, picking my gingerbread man scab in the corner of a food service location.

Bring on the cats.

F*** that. I want an iguana.


The girl with a translucent farmer’s tan


About thegirlwiththeblog

At any given time I can be found moisturizing my elbows and searching for words that rhyme with orange.
This entry was posted in All about men, Distorted views on love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Reason #49 why I will always be alone: No man in his 20’s can satisfy my facial hair needs.

  1. Maxim says:

    This is completely off topic, but I was watching an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation yesterday and there was an episode where all living things devolved into other, less evolved lifeforms (Man to ape, etc.). There was a cat on board. Guess what it devolved into? An iguana. 🙂

  2. That is absolutely beautiful, Maxim. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Magdalen says:

    Why are you so hung up on age? I got a perfectly lovely 50-something millionaire bearded Brit on offer. Okay, so he has some issues — a woman would need to find steam trains fascinating! — but the beard is sublime. *sigh*

  4. Because I want to have little bearded babies with someone! Being British counts for something though!

  5. smekart says:

    Growing a beard involves risk – younger men, like never before, are under pressure to be like each other and like what the fashion industry demands. Individuality is out, conformity is in! LOVE your blog, as always!

  6. Banana Boat says:

    smekart is such an activist 😉 haha

    I think its bc younger men are too stupid and selfish to realize what beards to do us ladies. THey’d rather have perfectly smooth, “comfortable” faces, than deal with things like food, dirt, and birds nests in their beards.

    The main point of my comment though was to just say that i think its funny that you talk about beards so much. I mean, i get it, but really, instead of “all about men” under “sh*t i write about”, you should just have “beards”. Period.

  7. Yeah I’m thinking of adding a subcategory lol. I need an “all about men” section so i can rant about things too.

  8. Michael says:

    You said fuck that to bringing on the cats!? I’m disgraced! Needless to say, I am an ever advocate of cat ownership.

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