Author Archives: thegirlwiththeblog

About thegirlwiththeblog

At any given time I can be found moisturizing my elbows and searching for words that rhyme with orange.

Under Construction

WordPress is giving me grief. It has deleted my most recent post and replaced it with my initial draft. I will not be posting until I figure this out. For those of you who have read the article I previously … Continue reading

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Where for art thou subscribers, bitches?

Dear Subscribers: It has come to my attention that only a few of you have subscribed to my new, primary blog http://www.thegirlwiththeblog.com What else can be said other than I am horrified, disgusted, and utterly disillusioned by your lack of … Continue reading

Posted in Random Ramblings About Writing | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

ATTENTION: Caps and colons make everything more important

Listen up, peeps. After a long conversation with my blood brother Jer-Bear, I have taken his advice and started a new blog. A blog that more accurately reflects my needs as a writer, a woman, and a neo-Communist. Twosortsofpeople.com had … Continue reading

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The Great Plights of Humanity – Four Issues Untouched During the GOP Debate

Last night the Greedy Old Pricks held their latest debate of the political season. As a passionate young American, hungry for change and a plate of Pad Thai, I was patriotically tuned into this event, eyes peeled, brain ready to … Continue reading

Posted in politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Taking a Bath With Kim Kardashian and Choking on a Tomato(e)

Last week I had a brief encounter with death.  I was standing at my kitchen counter slicing a recently purchased farmer’s market tomato. The kind that is shaped like the skull of a malnourished orphan and weighs more than an … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Unlikely Markets for Potential Lovers Part I.

I am attracted to exceedingly unbalanced people. Of the shamefully large amount of men I have made acquaintance with in the past year, 76% of them have had a sordid history with drugs/alcohol, clinical depression, or an unsettling fetish, 20% … Continue reading

Posted in All about men, Distorted views on love | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments

How Ryan Gosling and Lifehouse Songs Have Ruined My Life

WARNING: This blog contains serious bitterness regarding love. If you are recently betrothed or awaiting a wedding day, I advise you go back to doodling “Mrs. ______” on your notebook, before you go f*** yourself. At some point in every … Continue reading

Posted in All about men, Distorted views on love, Life lessons | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Three Self Realizations of My 30 Minute Lunch Break

After  four weeks of eating a diet of freezer pops and Panera Bread smoothies, sleeping  until noon, and watching marathons of “Ice Loves Coco” I have finally found employment. Don’t ask me how or why any intelligent businessman would think … Continue reading

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Reason #17 I am 23 going on 90: Peeing When I Sneeze – A dramatization

Who: Me, starring as a carefree party animal of today and classy professional woman of tomorrow Where: Hip/young apartment complex in middle Tennessee When: Standing still, if only for a moment while I live my young life to the fullest … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons, Literary Works of Unparallelled Greatness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Top Five Most Common Lies Women Tell Themselves, as told by Me – A Woman

It is a scientific fact that every 3.2 seconds, some woman, somewhere, is lying about something.* I know this sounds like a line lifted from the personal journal of some whiny man child who dots his “i’s” with teardrops, but … Continue reading

Posted in Fat Fatties talking about Fat, Life lessons | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments