Tag Archives: Humor

Where for art thou subscribers, bitches?

Dear Subscribers: It has come to my attention that only a few of you have subscribed to my new, primary blog http://www.thegirlwiththeblog.com What else can be said other than I am horrified, disgusted, and utterly disillusioned by your lack of … Continue reading

Posted in Random Ramblings About Writing | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

ATTENTION: Caps and colons make everything more important

Listen up, peeps. After a long conversation with my blood brother Jer-Bear, I have taken his advice and started a new blog. A blog that more accurately reflects my needs as a writer, a woman, and a neo-Communist. Twosortsofpeople.com had … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

The Great Plights of Humanity – Four Issues Untouched During the GOP Debate

Last night the Greedy Old Pricks held their latest debate of the political season. As a passionate young American, hungry for change and a plate of Pad Thai, I was patriotically tuned into this event, eyes peeled, brain ready to … Continue reading

Posted in politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Taking a Bath With Kim Kardashian and Choking on a Tomato(e)

Last week I had a brief encounter with death.  I was standing at my kitchen counter slicing a recently purchased farmer’s market tomato. The kind that is shaped like the skull of a malnourished orphan and weighs more than an … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Unlikely Markets for Potential Lovers Part I.

I am attracted to exceedingly unbalanced people. Of the shamefully large amount of men I have made acquaintance with in the past year, 76% of them have had a sordid history with drugs/alcohol, clinical depression, or an unsettling fetish, 20% … Continue reading

Posted in All about men, Distorted views on love | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments

How Ryan Gosling and Lifehouse Songs Have Ruined My Life

WARNING: This blog contains serious bitterness regarding love. If you are recently betrothed or awaiting a wedding day, I advise you go back to doodling “Mrs. ______” on your notebook, before you go f*** yourself. At some point in every … Continue reading

Posted in All about men, Distorted views on love, Life lessons | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Three Self Realizations of My 30 Minute Lunch Break

After  four weeks of eating a diet of freezer pops and Panera Bread smoothies, sleeping  until noon, and watching marathons of “Ice Loves Coco” I have finally found employment. Don’t ask me how or why any intelligent businessman would think … Continue reading

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Reason #17 I am 23 going on 90: Peeing When I Sneeze – A dramatization

Who: Me, starring as a carefree party animal of today and classy professional woman of tomorrow Where: Hip/young apartment complex in middle Tennessee When: Standing still, if only for a moment while I live my young life to the fullest … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons, Literary Works of Unparallelled Greatness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Top Five Most Common Lies Women Tell Themselves, as told by Me – A Woman

It is a scientific fact that every 3.2 seconds, some woman, somewhere, is lying about something.* I know this sounds like a line lifted from the personal journal of some whiny man child who dots his “i’s” with teardrops, but … Continue reading

Posted in Fat Fatties talking about Fat, Life lessons | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

“Oh no, that’s not Syphilis! That’s just my Twitter acting up again!”

I acknowledge my Twitter account about as often as I intentionally throw myself down a flight of stairs. It’s like having a hicky above your eyebrow or a non-athletic son.  I’m just embarrassed to have it and I question its … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments