Tag Archives: life

Taking a Bath With Kim Kardashian and Choking on a Tomato(e)

Last week I had a brief encounter with death.  I was standing at my kitchen counter slicing a recently purchased farmer’s market tomato. The kind that is shaped like the skull of a malnourished orphan and weighs more than an … Continue reading

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Three Self Realizations of My 30 Minute Lunch Break

After  four weeks of eating a diet of freezer pops and Panera Bread smoothies, sleeping  until noon, and watching marathons of “Ice Loves Coco” I have finally found employment. Don’t ask me how or why any intelligent businessman would think … Continue reading

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Reason #17 I am 23 going on 90: Peeing When I Sneeze – A dramatization

Who: Me, starring as a carefree party animal of today and classy professional woman of tomorrow Where: Hip/young apartment complex in middle Tennessee When: Standing still, if only for a moment while I live my young life to the fullest … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons, Literary Works of Unparallelled Greatness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The “alone on my birthday” blog: 22 Underrated “Accomplishments” achieved while 22

Tomorrow is my birthday, and it has been looming over me for the last three weeks, like an oncoming herpes break out. I am depressed, bloated, and seriously constipated with thoughts of suicide. Not really. I just wanted to use … Continue reading

Posted in Life lessons, Tennessee | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Talkin’ Dragonfly Sex and the Old Testament Blues

I can’t write. No seriously. Everything that I type has the overwhelming stench of failure permeating around it. I’m not used to this. Normally I write things of biblical showmanship and long term importance. Not today. Today is like the … Continue reading

Posted in Literary Works of Unparallelled Greatness, Random Ramblings About Writing | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Losing a baby panda in weight: The Lifetime Original Movie

So, about a year ago I started “dieting.” I put this in quotes because admitting to dieting is like admitting to pleasuring yourself to a Zac Efron movie. Not really. But it is embarrassing for some reason. Anyone who has … Continue reading

Posted in Fat Fatties talking about Fat | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Six Characteristics of My Future Ex-Husband

At 22 years old with one ex husband and several appalling attempts at romance under my love handles, I have decided my pursuits for happiness need to be better focused. For that reason I have concocted a list of the … Continue reading

Posted in All about men, Bob Dylan Related Ramblings, Distorted views on love | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Glass ceilings for the dowdy Pennsylvania girl and her mostly ignored blog

There have been several times these past few weeks when I’ve seen or heard something that could have incited an incredibly profound blog entry about something as important as people who drink the milk left over in a cereal bowl … Continue reading

Posted in Random Ramblings About Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Shit storms, Gatorade, and wandering idle hands

It has been 11 days (or 15,840 minutes in Rent speak) since I have taken time out of my busy and fulfilling life of perpetual unemployment, to write another insignificant posting about my own personal segregations of the human race. … Continue reading

Posted in Random Ramblings About Writing | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments